Little Miss Sunshine

Hi Guys,

I woke up to the sound of two children screaming at each other. Ah, B and S have a P.A Day today, it’s going to to be of those days. With a foggy head, I searched through the fridge and cupboard for breakfast. Then under the watchful eyes of remaining chocolate chip cookies, brownies and chips, I grabbed some Special K and an apple for breakfast. Snack was some carrots and cucumbers. At lunch, I finished the leftovers from the whole wheat lasagne roll ups I made for Saturday night. Ha, f*** off brownies and cookies. Sure we had a nice time on Saturday. We had some wild, reckless, irresponsible fun but, to be frank, the thought of you is making me sick. Absolutely sick. You do nothing for me anymore, you’re bad for me. What I want for myself and what you want for me are too different. You’re too clingy, I don’t need you on me, literally, anymore. I’m sure someone else will take care of you soon enough. What a sick love/hate relationship huh?

The hairy headache is still inhabiting my head even though the weather is absolutely wonderful in Toronto as of late. So maybe it’s not the weather like I originally assumed.

I had a great weekend. Friday I spent the day shopping with my Mom, she got a lot of her Christmas shopping done so that’s always good. And I made some great food choices so I was happy with myself for that. Saturday we had a lot of people over for games and dinner and drinking, and that was probably more fun than it should have been, after a bottle of sparkling wine, I was feeling great. The food was what I expected, munchies and lots of crap for dessert. Sunday I had a date with N, we never do dates so this was nice. We went to Foundation Room, a hip club in downtown Toronto. I love going out, but I hate it at the same time. What will I wear? What will look half decent on me? Will I look like a cow masquerading in human’s clothes? Then I’d be yanking on my outfit, pulling and prodding all night. It would end up looking horrible. Not the outfit itself, but the way I would wear it, without confidence. But Sunday I swept my hair into a messy bun, threw on some chandelier earrings, pulled on a strapless black (SHORT) dress with some black tights and some killer black and red heels and we went out. Not only did N notice the difference in me, but apparently so did everyone else. While my ‘date’ was in the bathroom I got approached not by one guy but two guys and that never happens. So I got a lot out of this weekend:

• I’m happy I budgeted all week for my weekend. I might have gone over on Saturday but that’s okay because I was good all week, and because I knew I indulged a bit too much, on Sunday I had one rum and diet coke and water for the rest of the night.
• I didn’t have to eat crap because I was stuck in a mall setting all Friday, the mall doesn’t = junk food. A Mr.Greek salad hit the spot.
• With all the cookies, chips, dips, cakes and pops left over from Saturday, I’d rather have water and fruit because at this point, the sight of a chocolate chip cookie is giving me the gags. Sensory/sugary overload!
• A little bit of confidence goes a long way
• I’m still not in love with my legs, hell my whole body, but I’m learning not to hate it with a passion anymore.

ADD in Writing

The weather in Toronto is driving my crazy. Since Friday I’ve had this nagging headache behind my eyes and I have a sneaking suspicion that this horrible headache is turning into a migraine. The fatigue is really kicking my butt.

I’m pleased to report that I’ve been successfully tracking every day this week:

Monday – 30 points

Tuesday – 31 points

Wednesday – 29 points

Today I had a fruit cup for breakfast = 2 points, half personal cheese pizza for lunch = 10 points, dinner was pasta with meat sauce = 10 points. I decided to take a break from chicken and green beans, it was getting to the point where I had to gag it down, never good. I think I need to eat more snacks too. I’m pretty sure I’m allowed to have 36 points and I remember my old weight watchers leader telling everyone that you could hinder your weight loss by not eating all your points. Who’s had some experience with this?

Because I’m a big geek I’ve been watching Dancing with the Stars and Kelly Osborne is looking fabulous.

I guess all the dancing she’s doing is really working. Maybe I’ll do that too. Dance around. All day. Hmm, I don’t know how good of an idea that is but maybe I could dedicate 30 minutes a day or so. Maybe then I could go from this

to this

 

Skinny, a good dancer and impressively bendy.

Not Quite Jessica Rabbit

Ok, what have I done? Because I really must have pissed someone off somewhere and they’re doing some serious voodoo on me. I’m thinking it might be Emily seeing as she just got back from New Orleans not that long ago. Emily, if it’s you, pretty please stop. It’s killing me.

Lets start off with Thursday. I’m outside taking a walk and I step into a leaf covered hole and make a mess of my ankle. I took myself to the walk in and discovered it’s sprained. Ok, sweet (can you guys hint at my sarcasm?). Then Friday, my brothers friend was apparently carrying my laptop upstairs and dropped it down a flight of stairs. NICE! I had no way to contact any of the GTA Girls to let them know I wouldn’t be able to make it to our get together and I feel like shit for that. If you’re reading this, sorry guys! Saturday I got into a huge blowout with my friend about not wanting to go out for Halloween, I ended up going and pretty much hating it. I did semi dress up but it was not fun for me at all. Me on the left, best friend on the right.

Frig it, next year I’m being a slutty something. Slutty nurse, slutty librarian, slutty chef, whatever. Hence why I’ve been munching on chicken breast and green beans since Halloween. It’s a crappy motivator but it’s a motivator none the less. Oh and I hid the Halloween loot the monsters got. After a day of it being exposed, all out in the open, I thought the best way to contain the sugar demon inside me is to keep it out of sight, and reach of any stick long enough to knock the bowl off the cupboard. I could always get a chair and climb up there but chances are, hopefully, in the process I’d have some kind of responsible conversation with myself on why 20 mini O Henrys is not a good idea.

I was sitting watching Oprah today when Kristie Alley came on. Oprah was discussing her weight loss and as Kristie was talking I found myself not believing her. All the reasons why she wasn’t successful. Then I realized, who the hell am I? I’m doing the same shit. Pft, what a hypocrite huh?

More tomorrow. Oh and, I’m seriously thinking of getting a professional ass kicker. Not a gym trainer, someone who’ll talk shit to me and tell me how lazy and silly I’m being, and that Vegas is a year away and stop putting stuff off. Anyone need volunteer hours for anything, I’ll totally lie and tell whoever that I was illiterate and you taught me how to read or something.

Guess Who’s Back?

Hi Guys,

I’m pleased to say I accomplished all my goals from yesterday. I know I drank at least 3L of water. It’s scary to start your day thinking you need to hammer in 3Ls but it’s not that bad once you take the necessity out of it. Am I making sense? And drinking a lot of water makes me feel happy and accomplished. I haven’t smoked any illegal substances tonight I swear, I’m just so happy about all the water I drank.Generally I have pretty good skin but I do break out on my chin, especially around my period and drinking lots of water really helps.

I biked for thirty minutes after lunch and then another thirty minutes after dinner. Yay me.

Remembering to track my food was a task today. I usually like to have everything figured out and jotted down before I eat but I ate lunch and dinner and I totally forgot. I ate 29 points worth today and I’m pretty sure I’m allowed 31. So far, so good friends.

Now, on to Halloween. I’m scared. I’m going to Body English, a nightclub in Mississauga and I have no idea what I’m going to wear/be. I don’t know why I’m stressing out so much but I’m going to be surrounded by good looking girls in slutty costumes. As much as I tell myself I do not want to be that kind of girl, my 21 year old self tells me I do want to be Officer Naughty or Francesca the Maid. I’m probably going to dress in all black and do my makeup like a cat. Of course I find amazing cat makeup on YouTube and it’s in Italian. Of-freakin-course it is. Take a look and tell me what you guys think. I’m not going to not go out just because I don’t have a sexy costume. I’ll wear a low shirt and the best push-up bra I can find and work it any god damn ways. And if I can actually pull that makeup off will be a blessing.

I’m avoiding the scale, when I grow a pair I’ll hop on and post the damage (or victory, heh heh trying to be optimistic and all).

Because I lost my camera somewhere in the house last night, breakfast was half and everything bagel with cream cheese, lunch was some rice and a sausage, dinner was a taco salad and my after dinner snack was 14 multigrain tostitos.

I will do 20 crunches tonight, I will, I will, I will.

Try and Try Again

So to whoever is still reading this blog, HI!

Today was my first day back on track. For breakfast I just had some juice, lunch was half an everything bagel and an apple and dinner was some turnip, white rice, green beans and sausage. I still need to get back to drinking 3L of water a day and tracking!

Today I also worked on my dream boards, what do you guys think?

  While I was cutting and pasting up a storm I called TTC and found out how to get to the location for the bloggers meet up. It’s looking like a bit of a trek, I might call GO tomorrow and see if there’s a faster way.

Goals for tomorrow:

-3L of water

-at least 30 minutes on the bike

-track all my food

Happy 100 Posts To Me

Where shall I start?

You know I had grand plans for my 100th post. Something light and cheery and full of promise. This is a light hearted blog post FAIL.

I’m sorry for not being on here, I’ve wanted to write something for a while but I couldn’t come up with any words. Ten days ago we received a 3 am phone call from my estranged grandfather telling us that his wife, my grandmother is in the hospital and dying. To back track a little, my dad had a horrible upbringing by this woman. Her alcoholism, verbal and physical abuse was the reason he left home at 14 to try and make a normal life for himself. Hearing this news definitely arouse difficult feelings. I haven’t seen my grandmother in 5 years, all the times before that were far and few between. So the question was, should we go to the hospital? Should everyone put their feelings aside and go and visit her? Turns out we didn’t. Typing that sounds so harsh but we all decided it was best this way. Shortly after, she passed. The loss of what could have been far exceeds any other feeling right now. Everyone on my dad’s side of the family ended up going to the funeral. Listening to the priest talk about what a good woman she was made me hate what she did and who she was, and then make me hate myself for feeling such ugly thoughts at someone's funeral.

Blogging feels so weird to me right now. Wow, a moment of déjà vu. I’ve said that before, haven’t I?

It’s times like this where I’m thinking this should be less of a weight loss blog and more of a ‘how to fall off the wagon countless times and fail miserably at getting back on’kind of blog.

So when all the other aspects of your life tell you that weight loss shouldn’t be the most important thing, what reminds you that it should be one of the most important things?

Oh and I’m in the process of totally copy catting the fabulous Kerry over at one of my most favourite blogs ever. I’m making a dream board. Or maybe a couple. I’m into all those cheesy, motivational things. If Kerry made one, I think I’m going to need 10.

Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian blog friends! I hope you all have a great holiday Monday. I had my big Thanksgiving dinner with my family yesterday and it was really nice. I'm pretty pleased with myself for a couple things:
a.) I didn't drink wine or pop with dinner, stuck with calorie,sugar and fat free water
b.) I didn't stuff myself stupid, I let my body tell me when I was full and that was that
c.) I took slivers of pie instead of heavy handed slices
d.) I didn't snack/keep going back to the desserts that were out all night, all night
So yeah, it might not seem like anything big but it's definitely a step in the right direction.
I was planning on posting my weight today but I think I'll give myself another week until I post it again. I'm hoping by next week I'll be in the mid 280s. Now, anyone who lives in the GTA come get some of this pie outta my house!